


Please Refrain From Kissing in Aisle 5

by foryouandbits



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [13]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Embarrassment, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 23:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11862180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foryouandbits/pseuds/foryouandbits
Summary: When you can only meet your soulmate while purchasing an embarrassing item, the hemorrhoid cream aisle is a dangerous place to shop.





	Please Refrain From Kissing in Aisle 5

**Author's Note:**

> All credit for this goes to the prompt from [Shitty-Check-Please-AUs](https://shitty-check-please-aus.tumblr.com/about)!

“Hemorrhoid cream?” Eric asked in disgust. “You want me to go to the store and buy _hemorrhoid cream_?”

“Just because we’re in your big boy dorm room doesn’t mean you get to sass me like that,” said Suzanne, putting her hands on her hips and giving Eric _that look_ , the kind that only came when he was about to be in big trouble.

“Mama, can you please not call it my big boy dorm?” Eric asked quietly, his eyes darting to the open door of his room that led to the hallway. Thankfully, no one else in his suite had moved in yet and most of the campus was quiet. He must have been the only one on this wing of the dorm who needed to be at school early for sports. That was a blessing because his mother was possibly the most embarrassing person on the planet.

“Now Dicky, you’re the one who needs to get to know this campus. Your Daddy and I are just here to help you move in, and your Moo Maw hasn’t been up north since she was a little girl. We have to accommodate her and if that means going to the store to buy hemorrhoid cream, you go to the store to buy hemorrhoid cream. Now get going. Which drawer do you want your underwear in?”

Eric cringed.

“Can you just unpack my desk stuff from that box? I’ll put away my own underwear.”

“Hmph,” Suzanne muttered under her breath as Eric headed out the door, “eighteen years old and suddenly he’s too good to have his mama unpack his clothes. You think you know your children…”

There were two full grocery stores within walking distance, according to Eric’s phone, but there was also a Walgreens just two blocks away. His mother had given him a list of items and some cash, but it was the final item on the list that made him shudder every time he thought about it. He didn’t even understand why Moo Maw had to come all the way from Georgia with them to help him move in; she was a spitfire, his grandmother, but wasn’t the kind of person he wanted to help him move into a non-airconditioned fourth floor dorm room. Moo Maw was still back at the hotel, actually, and after the heavy lifting was over Coach had gone back too. That didn’t explain why Eric was the one who had to go to the store, but he had a poor attitude most of the morning, and it was probably because he was realizing that for the first time in his life he wouldn’t see his mother every day, and that hurt more than he thought it would.

He walked into Walgreens and grabbed a basket, deciding to tick items off the list in order, and fifteen minutes later he had everything except the item he was dreading. He stopped in front of a four-foot section devoted to butt creams and realized as he stood there that he had no idea what brand or type to buy. Did Moo Maw just need the cream that came in the tube? Or the wipes? Was a generic brand okay or was she faithful to Preparation H?

Eric picked up two boxes from eye level and compared brands. All of the ingredients were the same. His eyes darted back and forth between the dosage and volume when someone bumped directly into him and he dropped both boxes on the floor.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Eric first, even though he was not the bumper, and crouched to the floor to pick them up.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” said the low voice of the actual culprit. Eric looked up to find himself staring directly into crystalline blue eyes with dark, wide pupils. He sat back onto his ankles and saw the rest of the face: a strong, jutting jaw, a long, pointed noise, high cheekbones that could cut glass, and skin that probably would have been a pleasant color but at the moment was beet red. Eric looked into his hand and realized that he was holding a bottle of personal lubricant, and also realized that the large hand next to his was holding his Moo Maw’s hemorrhoid cream.

“That’s not for me!” Eric squeaked, and as he stood up to full height, so did the man in front of him. The man’s full height was much more impressive. Even with his tallest shoes on, Eric still was only looking at a chin rather than into blue eyes.

The man looked down at his hand and the red in his cheeks got even deeper; Eric could feel his blotchiness surfacing in exactly the same way. It was his first day of college and the first student he met was holding possibly the most embarrassing item Eric had ever needed to purchase in his life.

“I’m sorry, here,” the man said and handed Eric the cream. Eric didn’t care if it was the off brand or not, he threw it into the basket with the rest of his supplies. None of those were incriminating, just normal soap and shampoo and toothpaste. “Um… that’s… for me,” the man mumbled.

Eric was still holding the lube. He handed it back to the man in front of him, who took it and refused to look at Eric’s eyes. Eric was just beginning to wonder if they were both going to pass out from embarrassment when they both collapsed to the floor, and everything went black.

“Come on,” Eric heard what felt like a moment later, “up you go.” Eric blinked a few times and the bright fluorescent lighting from the store came into focus. Next to him crouched a pharmacy tech in blue scrubs, who was gently trying to help Eric sit up. Eric did, still blinking, and he realized that the cashier from the makeup counter had come over to help the lube man up as well. “There you are,” said the pharmacy tech. “I keep telling them they need to install floor pads in these aisles, especially at the beginning of the school year. I swear this happens twice a week. One of these days someone’s going to hit their head on the tile and not wake up.”

“What?” Eric asked.

“Here with the hemorrhoid creams and over in the family planning aisle,” said the pharmacy tech. “You’re the first ones of the season, boys, so congratulations on that.” Eric’s eyes met with the lube man who sat up in front of him. His skin wasn’t red anymore and he stared at Eric with a fondness that made Eric’s entire body feel warm. Eric looked him over; his hair was dark and floofed over his forehead, he was broad-shouldered and muscular, and he was wearing a red Samwell Hockey T-shirt.

“You’re on the hockey team?” Eric asked in wonder.

“Yeah,” the lube man replied, his lips breaking into a smile; Eric’s lips curled up the same way.

“Me too,” said Eric.

“I’ll leave you boys to it,” said the pharmacy tech. “Joy can ring you up when you’re ready.” Joy, who had helped the lube man sit up, had her hands over her heart and clearly wanted to observe their first meeting, but the pharmacy tech pushed her out of the aisle, leaving Eric and the lube man alone. Eric couldn’t stand it anymore; he had to know his name.

“I’m Eric,” he said.

“Jack,” replied the lube man. “Wait, are you really on my team? You’re so small. And have hemorrhoids, apparently.”

“I told you it’s not for me, it’s for my grandmother!” said Eric, giving Jack a playful shove, who laughed the kind of laugh that Eric wanted to listen to forever. If they did this right, he’d get to, and that thought made Eric happier than he’d ever been in his life. “I need to get this stuff back.”

“Can I go with you?” Jack asked hopefully, which lit up his entire face. Eric felt like his cheeks were going to break with how widely he was smiling. “I want to spend all day with you.”

“Yes,” said Eric, nodding enthusiastically, “but my mom’s still in my dorm room. Do you really want to meet her for the first time with lube in your hand?” Jack looked down at the bottle of lube and laughed again, the sight of it no longer bringing color to his cheeks.

“I guess I can buy it later instead,” he said before he stood and helped Eric up with both of his hands. They stood facing each other again, Eric’s basket on the floor, holding hands and unwilling to part gaze. Jack let go of one of his hands and trailed his thumb over Eric’s cheek, cupping Eric’s face. “I didn’t expect it to be someone like you,” Jack whispered, “but I’m so happy it’s you.”

“Me too,” Eric replied, relaxing into Jack’s touch. “I’m so ready to fall in love with you.” Jack smiled gently and leaned in, but before their lips could connect, the pharmacy tech cleared his throat behind them and tapped a sign:

_If you meet your soulmate in this aisle, please refrain from kissing. There are so many more romantic places to have your first kiss._

“Let’s go to Faber,” said Jack. “When the sun sets in the evening it gives the rink a glow that you’ll never see anywhere else. I’ll kiss you there.”

“Deal,” said Eric. “Come on, let’s get this butt cream back to my Moo Maw. Man, never in my life have I been so glad that someone has hemorrhoids.”

**Author's Note:**

> Stop by my [tumblr](http://foryouandbits.tumblr.com/) and say hi!


End file.
